Mum-e Blog

AAARRRRGGGHH! Late for school again, hopeless mother that I am. It’s that ten minutes between 8.10am and 8.20am that gets me every time. When I’m supposed to be loading up the car, I am still scurrying around with scuffed shoes and hair bobbles and shoving fruit in a bag for snack time. And then there’s the public humiliation of signing in the late book, trying to think of a decent excuse. And what can you say, anyway? ‘Traffic’ is pretty lame when the rest of school manages to be there on time. I was tempted to write ‘I am crap’ this morning but resisted, and scrawled ‘Lost car keys’ instead.
Still, two good things: a) We listened to the new play list on my iPhone in the car and my Little Princesses loved it – particularly Happy Talk by Captain Sensible, which can be guaranteed to bring a smile to even the grumpiest face.

And b) at least I missed the daily chat with the scary mums. I’m not sure why there are some that still intimidate me when I’ve known them for two years now…I think it’s the ones who have kids further up the school too and seem to know everyone. The worst is The Gossipmonger. Anything at all that you say to her will be broadcast round the rest of the mothers by pick-up time. I made the mistake of telling her that I thought the school caretaker was pretty hot. And he is, too, in a scruffy, beefy, guess-what-I-can-do-with-my-tool-kit kind of way. But that doesn’t mean I wanted him – or everyone else – to know. I’m a married woman, for goodness sake! (Even if is to a man who hasn’t used his tool kit for some time.) The next morning, as I walked in to the playground and smiled at him, in a perfectly normal, friendly way, six of the mums starting wolf whistling. Absolutely bloody hilarious, as you can imagine. Now when I see him, I can barely make eye contact, pathetically, and he sometimes just raises his eyebrows as if he’s asking ‘OK?’ Ugh. My husband – Not So Alpha Male – is back from a business trip tonight so guess I’d better go and buy some tuna steaks and salad (he’s a healthy eating nut) and de-fur my legs. Keep promising to get back into waxing for summer but I am so disorganised that everything is always done last minute in a frantic rush and now we have an emergency situation that needs to be dealt with right now, with a razor.

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